A "Stop the Invasions Already" Song

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Consumer Goods - Gunboat Diplomacy 
 
You're like the guys with the 
Gunboat eyes singing 
We won't hurt you if 
You realize that we're only here to help. 
 
Take your gunboats, 
Your gunboats home. 
 
Parked in the harbour, you're 
Watching over, I 
Feel you staring, I 
Swear I'm no revolutionary pinko commie trash. 
 
Take your gunboats, 
Your gunboats home. 
Take your gunboats, 
Your gunboats home. 
 
You came invited, but 
Not this way. Would you 
Turn around and sail as far away 
As your steam-powered engines and modern inventions will go. 
 
Take your gunboats, 
Your gunboats home. 
Take your gunboats, 
Your gunboats home.

A "Paying Your Dues Through Minimum Wage" Song

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Rheostatics - Self Serve Gas Station 
 
Another trucker stumbles up the steps into my kiosk for directions, 
too wasted to see the map I'm showing him. 
He wanted to bust the glass 'cause I wouldn't give him gas - 
I said, "You shouldn't be driving. 
Just take a nap until the morning-time and hit the road." 
 
I wish I had a pistol just to take him down with myself; what the hell? 
No one said this would be easy, but no one said this would be hell. 
 
Mom and dad are selfless and they don't do nothing worthless. 
They just work all day and worry about their son: 
"What went wrong with Martin? Is he dumb?" 
 
I just pump gas every weekday night 
until the sun comes up like missiles to my brain. 
You never said this would be hell. 
 
With all the colours in closed eyes, 
blue and black of veins all bleed to one. 
 
Come with me tonight. 
To say that this is anything is saying much too much. 
Let's go. 
 
I see the sun is bleeding. 
The morning time has come. It's not that bad. 
No one said I would be king-like, but no one said I could be had!

A "Three More Months of Winter on the Way" Song

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Said The Whale - This Winter I Retire 
 
The day begins 
Just like any other 
I wake up in the comfort 
Of all this bedroom clutter 
 
I look outside 
Another grey sky 
Looks like winter 
Is coming early this year 
 
And I know it's gonna be a real cold run this time 
A real breakdown, take down, cold one this time 
 
My old high school 
Just like the way I left it 
With lots of bodies in it 
Just waiting to get out 
 
And me outside 
Looking in 
Wondering 
Which night something would happen 
 
The snow begins 
Just like I remember 
Looks like it's going to be 
Another long, cold December 
 
And I know it's gonna be a real cold one this time 
A real breakdown, take down, cold one this time 
 
And I know it's gonna be a real cold one this time 
A mighty cold, getting old, quick, make you sick one this time 
 
The night blows in 
Just like any other 
So I crawl into my bed 
Get in underneath the covers 
 
It's so cold in here 
Must have left the windows open 
Outside it's still snowing 
Looks like winter's here 
 
And I know it's gonna be a real cold one this time 
A real breakdown, take down, cold one this time 
And I know it's gonna be a real cold one this time 
A mighty cold, getting old, quick, make you sick one this time

A "Guy's Lament of Denial" Song

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Ben Folds - The Bitch Went Nuts 
 
(The answer you seek my son only poses more questions. 
Ask many women why relationship has failed. 
Each woman offer unique reason for demise. 
One woman may say, "man could not commit." 
Or, "man is douche, and is now free to make love to himself instead." 
Another woman may say, "man had changed," 
or even, "man no longer satisfactory lover." 
But my son, ask many men same question all over the world, "why has 
relationship failed?" Each man, each time, will give same, simple 
answer.) 
 
The bitch went nuts. 
She stabbed my basketball. 
And the speakers to my stereo. 
She called me 'cunt' 
But nothing prepared me for 
what I found when I came home. 
Oh and I made my own bed. I lie in it. 
You lie in yours. You lie, you lie, in yours. 
But they want more, they're at my door with torches. Please leave me 
alone, you know. Just shut it. Just shut it. Just shut it. 
 
The bitch went nuts. 
She photoshopped my face 
onto every boy who'd done her wrong. 
And as she burned I telepathically into the brains of all her embittered rooms. 
Oh, now, now they want more. They're at my door with torches. Scores, 
and scores, and scores to settle with themselves. 
You would have thought I'd scorned them all. 
They've got a doll of me, they're burnin', they're burnin', they're 
burnin', they're burnin', they're burnin' their own memories. 
 
Why do they all go? 
Why do they all go? 
 
The bitch went nuts, y'all. 
But everyone said she might. 
Holy fucking shit. 
Seriously now. 
Now they want more. They're at my door with torches. 
Scores and scores. 
You would have thought I'd scorned them all. 
They've got a doll of me, they're burnin'. 
 
Why do they all go?

A "Bring the Cynic Back" Song

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Napoleon - Ani DiFranco 
 
they told you your music could reach millions 
that the choice was up to you 
you told me they always pay for lunch 
and they believe in what i do 
and i wonder if you miss your old friends 
once you've proven what you're worth 
yeah i wonder when you're a big star 
will you miss the earth 
 
and i know you would always want more 
i know you would never be done 
'cuz everyone is a fucking napoleon 
yeah everyone is a fucking napoleon 
 
and the next time that i saw you 
you were larger than life 
you came and you conquered 
you were doing alright 
you had an army of suits behind you 
and all you had to be was willing 
and i said i still make a pretty good living 
you must make a killing 
 
and i hope that you are happy 
i hope at least you are having fun 
'cuz but everyone is a fucking napoleon 
yeah everyone is a fucking napoleon 
 
now you think, so that is the way it's gonna be 
that's what this is all about 
i think that that is the way it always was 
you chose not to notice until now 
yeah now that there's a problem 
you call me up to confide 
and you go on for over an hour 
'bout each one that took you for a ride 
 
and i guess that you dialed my number 
'cuz you thought for sure that i'd agree 
i said baby, you know i still love you 
but how dare you complain to me 
 
everyone is a fucking napoleon 
yeah everyone is a fucking napoleon